Anybody else receiving a gazillion emails from CEOs saying the same exact thing on what they’re doing in the wake of Coronavirus? Well here’s what happens when the CEO (that’s me!) has a background in writing sketch and stand-up comedy. I also majored in acting up at the University of Northern Colorado (’03). 🎓 I just sent this out 30 min ago to 60k customers:
Subject: Not ANOTHER Coronavirus CEO Email!
I don’t know about you, but if I receive another Coronavirus email (often from a company I bought from 10+ years ago,) I think I might catch the virus.
Let’s face it…
You probably don’t care that we temporarily closed our showroom.
Or that we have all our sales and customer service working from home.
Or that we make our manufacturing team bathe in a vat of industrial grade sanitizer, every morning, before they begin working on your mattresses.
We’re guessing that even though we are doing everything we can to help prevent the spread of this virus, you’re hearing that from lots of companies… 9,563 to be exact.
So, the truth is, this is a thinly disguised sales email (that we were planning to send before the virus came upon us all), and we wanted it to be a genuine sale.
But with Coronavirus now being in the news, we wanted you to know that we understand the gravity of the situation, and still want to help you get the very best mattress, sheets, mattress protector, moisture barrier, or something else from MattressInsider.
What could be more exciting then getting a cuddly soft roll of precious toilet paper with each purchase?
I’m kidding. You’re not getting any of my toilet paper.
That stuff is like gold right now.
Ok ok… You can have my toilet paper when I’m done using it.
But seriously, if you want to read about what we’re doing in regards to Coronavirus, click here.
If you don’t care and just want to know about the awesome “Jonathan forgot to do a sale for St Patrick’s day” discounts, keep reading.
Without further ado:
If you’re a healthcare worker (doctor, nurse, etc), we want to say thank you for risking your lives while combating this virus. Here’s a coupon code just for you folks for 15% off.
If you’ve begun social distancing yourself, I think you’re awesome. I want to reward you with a 10% off coupon code.
If you’re not social distancing yet, but you’re considering it, here’s a coupon for 6% off. Since we’re supposed to stay six feet away from people 🙂
Phone: (888) 488-1468
Be safe out there!
And try to wear some clothes while you’re binge watching Netflix please. Your couch will thank you. (That would be creepy if your couch started talking to you.)
But still… Wear some clothes.
At least some underwear.
Especially since there’s no more toilet paper.
With Warm Regards from the team,
and MattressInsider CEO JP (aka Jonathan).
P.S. We’re not taking the situation lightly. This email is meant to help you smile in the midst of the challenging environment we all find ourselves in.
Here’s a reply I just got:
I just HAD to reply to this absolutely genuine and genius email. I just read it aloud here after dinner with my husband and we laughed and laughed.
We are huge fans of your company. We’ve purchased 3 mattresses from you in the past 2 years and will continue to do so forever and ever, amen. Thank you for this bit of lightheartedness in a fairly anxiety-ridden time for our country. Also, yours is the only Coronaspam email I got that didn’t go unread. 😉 bravo! Sincerely,Missy Stauffer
Here’s one more:
Finally, an intellectually honest virus email. Well done! It did lighten up the day. All the best, Frederic Leventhal, a satisfied customer – love the topper I bought earlier this year
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