It's no secret... Many of us have poor sleep habits.…
Having a good mattress is important for two things: healthy sleep and great sex. In some cases, a mattress that is comfortable for sleeping can be less appropriate for intercourse. With so many options out there is difficult knowing what type of mattress you need and how to choose the best mattress for sex.
That’s why we decided to reach out to 39 sex therapists and ask them the following question:
What advice would you give to a couple shopping for the best mattress for sex?
In this expert roundup, they approach a variety of aspects of the ideal mattress, like the size, the fabric, the firmness etc. You will find a comparison between different types of mattresses, like memory foam, latex, waterbed, adjustable or hybrid. Our sex experts describe the advantages and disadvantages of each type of mattress and they also share tips on how you can find the right mattress for you and your partner.
Indigo Stray Conger – Mile High Psychotherapy
If your bed is where you plan to have sex, the most important factor to consider when mattress shopping is whether the bed has an inner spring that provides bounce back. While memory foam and air mattresses may do wonders for comfortable sleep, even the best of them provide far less bounce than an innerspring coil when it comes to sex.Hybrid mattresses contain innerspring coils as well as layers of foam or latex, which is what you want to be on the lookout for in order to get the best of both worlds.Click To Tweet
However, hybrid mattresses tend to have much less bounce back than a traditional mattress, so make sure to get a sense of just how much bounce you and your partner prefer. When testing out a mattress in the showroom, don’t just lie down to assess for comfort, sit on the edge and bounce to test for springiness.
This edge test also gives you a sense of how firm the mattress is right up to the edge. If you tend to utilize positions with one partner standing off the bed, consistency of firmness is a crucial factor that many mattresses lack, particularly hybrids.
Give some thought to the height of the mattress in relation to your floor, inclusive of any box spring or frame you may incorporate. For partners that utilize standing sexual positions, mattress height should end up no higher than mid-thigh on the standing partner, and no lower than the knee.
Other considerations for purchasing a mattress you are likely to utilize for intimacy are noise and long-term durability, which go hand in hand since noise cannot often be assessed in the showroom. If a mattress is going to be squeaky, you won’t know it until the warranty has expired, so be sure to read reviews of the mattress from long-term users to know if the mattress silence has staying power and whether the bounce back will still be around in a few years
Nagma V. Clark – Tri-Valley Relationship Therapy
When it comes to sex, your bedroom should be a blissful paradise. It’s not just about the curtains or the mood lighting, the type of mattress you have can make sex fun or very uncomfortable. Here is what you want to look for in a mattress if you are interested in spicing up your sex life:
Size– In this situation, size DOES matter. If you want to experiment with different positions or engage in some sexual horseplay, you want to make sure you go with a mattress that is a king or California king size. Also, if you or your partner are taller than average, the last thing you want is your legs hanging off the bed! You want that extra room to shift your body into different positions without worrying about falling off the edge!
Durable & Silent– You don’t want a mattress that is not going to be able to withstand the impact of mind-blowing sex over time. You want the mattress to be durable enough for two (or more!) people to be moving around, switching positions, going hard or fast. The last thing you want is for the mattress to give away right in the middle of your orgasm. Noisy mattresses are so annoying and the noise goes hand in hand with durability. You don’t want your neighbors or your kids to hear the squeaks and creaks when you are getting it on!
Big & Bouncy– In addition to being bigger in size, you also want the mattress to have the bouncy effect. The extra bounce helps in changing positions effortlessly while at the same time providing support. Also, the bouncing back effect greatly helps in keeping the rhythm going because sex is like dancing- it needs rhythm & coordination.
Soft vs hard– You don’t want a mattress that is too soft because it’s going to give you the sunken feeling especially when you and your partner are in the same spot. It can also be uncomfortable for certain positions where you are balancing your weight on your knees (missionary) or wrists/hands (doggy) because they will sink in and cause imbalance. Too soft of a mattress can be really bad for the back as well both during sex and after. A hard or a very firm mattress, on the other hand, will almost cause a blunted effect because it will absorb the impact of your rhythm making it very unpleasant and out of sync for both partners. I think the answer is memory foam because it contours and adapts to your body instead of the other way around.
Adjustable vs fixed– You can have a lot of fun with an adjustable mattress. You can adjust the mattress to try different angles and positions that perhaps intensify the sensations & the pleasure. Having an adjustable back can be a great way to enhance the woman on top or reverse cowgirl position.Temperature control- Mattresses that have a cooling layer are perfect for sex marathons and even for a session of love making on a hot summer night.Click To Tweet
You can go hard without worrying about heat exhaustion. Some folks find sweaty sex hot but others don’t and a cooling mattress is a good fix!
Karen Washington – Relationship Reality 312
When mattress shopping, there several things to consider in picking the right one. But, does aiding in your sex life come up on that list of considerations? When I think about the best mattresses for sex, here are some things I take into account:
While I like sleeping on an all/part foam mattress, there is very little this does to benefit sex. It’s too malleable. There is no bounce and no edge support. You make sink in it to sleep, but how many sex positions are feasible while sinking? Foam mattresses do little for me. If you like the feel of the foam for sleep, consider purchasing a foam topper instead.
I prefer a traditional spring mattress or an air chamber (think Sleep Number) bed. Spring mattresses will offer both the bounce and the support. Bounce will help with the most motion for the more active parts of sex, like intercourse. Support throughout the bed will allow for more positions without someone’s body sinking into the mattress and becoming inaccessible or immobile.
Edge support is great for when you want to only be part way on the bed, whether it is someone sitting on the edge, or balancing off the edge. An air chamber bed can offer the adjustable support throughout and around the edges. It can also potentially provide some of the bounce of a spring mattress.
Their adjustable bases can enhance the sexual possibilities by altering the bed’s shape.Ultimately, adjustable air beds will never wear out like any other mattress and may be well worth the financial investment if you can.Click To Tweet
As for size, I go for nothing smaller than a queen. Occasionally, when space allows, I go all the way to the California King. There’s nothing like being able to roll over and not fall off the bed when you’re fooling around, or rolling over a few times and then falling off.
Granted, you are going to be sleeping in this bed more often than you do anything else in it. Thus, the bed needs to meet your sleep needs above all, especially when considering a softer or firmer mattress.
The size of the mattress is ultimately determined by the size of your bedroom; if that is not an issue, then get a nice big bed. Beyond more room for sex, there is also more room to sleep and move around. As with any purchase, do your research.
If needed, make sure to take into account any health issues or allergies; there are plenty of options available to accommodate you and your partner while still providing space to have great sex.
Namita Caen – Sex and Intimacy Coaching
Deciding on the ideal mattress for a restful night is important since you’ll probably be sleeping on it for the next 10yr…but what should a couple keep in mind when shopping for the best mattress for sex? Here are some key factors to consider:
1. Size: Queen or the ultimate King for maximum spaciousness and fun.
2. Bounce factor:A medium to firm mattress with plenty of bounce and responsiveness will make sex more enjoyable and prevent you from sinking in and bottoming out.Click To Tweet
3. Edge Support: Good edge support will increase your play surface and keep you from sliding off.
4. Durability-Density: Good quality with a foundation of at least 6” made of spring coils or high-quality dense foam.
5. Quiet (or preferably silent) most folks care about noise privacy and ensuring the neighbors are out of earshot!
6. Comfort: Spring-coil, Latex or Foam? Definitely Spring coil #1, Latex #2 and unless you cannot live without it #3 Foam. Foam is for a good night’s sleep, snuggling and cuddling after sex but lacks bounce and mobility because it tends to sink.
7. Breathability: Pick a mattress that will breath and not retain heat.
And just in case you’re in the market for a frame too, the platform frame is a fabulous choice for sex over the 4 legged (squeaky) frame since it’s stable and silent.
Anya Laeta – SF Sex Coaching
A good mattress can be a game-changer for your sex life. Here are a few things to consider to get the best bang for your buck:
Comfort & Sex Suitability
Being able to feel comfortable and relaxed is essential both for your amorous activities and recharging afterward. While “comfortable” will very much depend on your personal preference, make sure to look for a mattress that is somewhat firm and creates balanced weight distribution across the body. Ideally, the entire surface of the mattress can remain flat, level, supportive and easy to move on. Mattress sagging, hard sides, or lack of edge support can limit the area that is suitable for sex.
SizeI recommend a Queen size mattress: it is big enough to roll around but small enough to snuggle in your sleep and feel the heat of each other’s body.Click To Tweet
To make sure your body is supported at every angle regardless of your position pick a mattress that is responsive and will quickly adjust to your change in movement.
Many women are easily distracted during sex, not to mention the impact if you live in a shared apartment or house. It pays to make sure you don’t have a squeaky mattress.
Thrusting and grinding can be a lot of work! A mattress with good bounce can help you get into a consistent rhythm that works for you and not against.
Make sure it is high-quality and can survive repeated naughty abuse without breaking or coming apart.”
Kyle Zrenchik – The Relationship Therapy Center
When shopping for a mattress, it’s important that a couple looks for a mattress that is conducive for lovemaking. Most sex happens in the bed, and here are some determining factors that can help a couple find the perfect fit.
#1- Bed height: While the missionary position is tried and true, it can get dull over time. Having one partner stand near the bed with the other partner on all fours on the edge can be a great and easy position that is easy on tired bodies. It’s important to know where “everything needs to be” when choosing the height of the mattress, so stand next to the bed and visualize (but not too much, it’s a public store).
#2- Sound dampening: While moaning and heavy breathing during sex can heighten pleasure, squeaky springs can make your private moment a bit too public. In the throws of passion, you don’t want to be worried about what the kids (or neighbors) are hearing. When getting on the bed to try it out, make sure to intentionally move around a lot to see if you hear anything that would distract you from your moment together
#3- Softness/Firmness: While softness in a bed may feel relaxing while trying it out in the store, if you sink too deeply into the bed, it can really limit the positions you both can do. It’s hard to position yourself if you are sunk too far into the mattress. And firmer mattresses are a little easier to move on when lovemaking. So, if you are a fan of a soft mattress, just notice how deeply your hand, pelvis, or knees sink to the bed and if it is too much, try one step firmer.
#4- Anticipation:Highly erotic couples can turn their mattress-buying journey into a seductive one.Click To Tweet
While getting bogged-down in the finances and details, make sure to also remember all the fun you both can have in the new bed. Saying things like “Oooo, I can’t wait to break this in with you” or “Seeing you on this new mattress is giving me some naughty ideas” can make a monotonous event into a spicy exploration. Keep it fun.
Anna Osborn – Life Unscripted Counseling
Over the past dozen plus years, I’ve worked with many of couples looking to improve their intimacy and sex life and a great mattress is key.
Here are the three tips I suggest when it comes to shopping for the best mattress for sex.Firmer is better, as it allows couples to try varying sexual positions. You can compliment the perfect position with additional pillows.Click To Tweet
When it comes to the size of mattress that is best for sex, this will vary based on the couple’s preference and their individual body sizes. You want a mattress that is big enough to move around so neither partner feels restricted within their own and each other’s movements.
Take your time and have fun shopping. Your mattress is typically the center of your bedroom and as we all know, bedrooms should be reserved for sleep and sex. Don’t rush the process to quickly buy a new mattress and feel free to spice up your shopping experience by chatting in the car ride over about all the things you hope to get out of your new mattress.
My first reaction is that the most important aspect of any mattress is how comfortable it is for sleep. No one feels like having sex when they’re sleep deprived. I’ve spent many a sleepless night when the mattress was too hard, soft or springy. So once it’s established that the mattress provides you with a good night’s sleep, here are my recommendations.
Size does matter… when it comes to mattresses. I have a partner who’s 6’2 and if we’re too cramped, our sexual positions are limited. I prefer a king size bed so we can roll around in various positions without one of us falling off the side.
The mattress itself needs to be semi-firm so you don’t feel like you’re sinking into it. It can’t be too lumpy since one of you may be on your back which could get uncomfortable after some time.
I remember having sex on a waterbed and finding it to be difficult to stay on my knees while on top. Some positions were virtually impossible for my partner to stay balanced due to the water swirling back and forth. One of the biggest problems with water beds is leakage, which could end sex really quickly. A combination soft-sided waterbed with tubes of water was a little easier to have sex in but nothing beats a regular mattress.
The foam mattresses that adjust to your body can be a bit annoying if you sink in too deep during missionary position or doggie style. I’ve been told that they heat up to the temperature of your body and if sex gets hot, so may your mattress.
I currently use a mattress that came in a box and is ultra firm. It’s supposed to conform to my body, although I find that it’s too firm for some positions which require a little push and pull. I’ve never used one, but it’s possible that the adjustable mattress like the “sleep number mattress” could provide some interesting angles for sex.
A mattress with loud springs would definitely bother me since I’m not into others knowing my business and I don’t need to have my flow interrupted by loud springs. I certainly would hate to have sex on a sofa sleeper with a springy thin mattress since my knees would probably never be the same. The same applies to mattresses that resemble floor mats at a gymnasium. A nice luxurious mattress with a pillow top would be ideal for some good comfortable quality sex.In conclusion, a mattress that provides a nice mix of soft pillowy quilted parts and firmness would be ideal.Click To Tweet
When it comes to the best mattress for sex, I confirm with what Goldilocks would say: “Not too soft, not too hard… just right.”
If you read a typical review about choosing the right bed, it normally describes pros and cons in terms of getting a good sleep. Rarely you come across reviews that tell you whether a particular bed is holding a frame for having great sex!
First of all, if you are really turned on by each other, you can have great sex anywhere – including all kinds of beds no matter what material, size, shape etc. But in my opinion, you shape up your enjoyment if you look into some basics before you buy your next bed.Having sex is a very basic and natural need for all humans, so in my opinion, the mattress has to be non-synthetic and chemical free. So I would go for a natural latex mattress.Click To Tweet
If you for some reason want a more durable choice and compromise a bit on the price, then go for a blended latex mattress.
Size matters! Well, not in the typical interpretation that “big is beautiful” – but in the sense that it is nice to have bed space around you. It makes it easy to move around and have sex in many different ways and positions. So go for a spacious bed.
And my final consideration goes the firmness of the mattress. A soft mattress demands that you find the flow of the mattress. You need to move in the same rhythm. And that can for many people be more challenging than going for a firm mattress. Personally, I prefer a firm mattress with a soft feel.
Now go for it! No matter what kind of mattress you choose: enjoy and have fun 🙂
Aki Jamal Durham – The Grace Wellness Center
Let me start by saying this; I never gave any thought to how my sexual activities and preferences might be affected by the mattress I purchase before being approached to participate in this roundup. Moreover, I actually did a very brief survey via social media to determine if this was something many of us do. My very small sample size (48 responses) came up split right down the middle. I shrugged my shoulders and thought, “Who knew?” and “Here goes!”
As a faith-based marriage counselor who, coincidentally, happens to be in the market for a new mattress I believe you should consider the following:
1. Talk it over with your partner/spouse. Don’t make the error in judgment that I made by assuming one way or the other if this is even important. In spite of the fact that my wife and I have purchased several mattresses together, I have no idea if she was prompted to think about our sex life when doing so. I’m about to find out.2. Use this as an opportunity to have a frank conversation about the health and wellness of your sex life.Click To Tweet
We often take for granted our own and our partner’s level of satisfaction with our physical intimacy. One or both of us may be unsatisfied or simply complacent with the status quo. Why not take inventory and talk about how the bedroom activities can be improved in general, as well as how a new mattress may play a role in that. Who knows? You may even have a little extra fun with an otherwise mundane decision-making process as a result.
3. Be mindful of the fact that sex is a gift from our creator and an important spoke in the wheel that is holy matrimony. If this is the place where you will likely be having most of your sexual interactions (another assumption that I may need to have corrected via an impromptu social media survey – LOL), then why not talk about how things such as size and firmness come into play. I promise you that double entendre was unintentional, but feel free to use it to create the “extra fun” referenced in the previous bullet point.
I don’t know if you’ve found this post helpful. I truly hope you have, but I must admit that I’m open to the idea that I simply needed to be thusly informed myself. My approach to mattress shopping has effectively been changed because of my participation. Thank you, Mattress Insider!
To enjoy good sex your first primary need is a good sleep. An old mattress that gives you lack of sleep, disturbed sleep or uncomfortable sleep will all contribute to you feeling grumpy and irritable. The result is that the only thing you will want from that mattress is sleep – but that’s no good either so you enter into a vicious circle, a downward relationship spiral that only a good mattress can halt.
So a good mattress for sleep- but what is a good mattress for sex? Well, the bigger the better of course, but that will depend on you and how much space you have.
The coolness of springs with maybe or maybe not a foam topper can be preferable to the resulting sweaty heat of dense foam. You don’t want to be scrambling for the shower instead of wallowing in your afterglows. Only yourselves should be hotting things up. And as I remind in my book “Under the Bed” you are still having sex if you are alone, masturbating and enjoying your own body with whatever other toys you wish to employ, remember you will have more room for all of this than a couple or three!Then a touch of the ultimate or the ultimate for touch: an adjustable mattress.Click To Tweet
By raising or lowering, head or foot or both together, so many enjoyable adventures can be had. And don’t forget a firm edge. You want to be able to avail yourselves of all areas.
Jacqui Olliver – End Of The Problem
When deciding on the best mattress for sex, couples need to focus on eliminating distractions. Mental and physical distractions can cause unwanted sexual “malfunctions” including premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, and problems achieving orgasm.The best mattress for sex will provide the best support for sleep and sex while simultaneously being comfortable and inviting.Click To Tweet
- A medium to firm mattress ensures the weight of both partners is evenly distributed. This makes it easier to maintain a favored position and also to change position as required.
- Soft mattresses give more easily with pressure, so can make it more challenging to maintain your favorite sexual position or to maneuver into a new position.
- Memory foam tends to mold to your shape and can, therefore, become uncomfortable for sex after a period of time.
- Adjustable air beds can be like two people bouncing on a trampoline during sex! The pressure in one area can make the other person bounce! Is it right for you? Well, that depends. How much fun do you want to have – and do you have the required skills to balance your sexual focus and therefore stay in control of the sexual act?
- Although heavier and therefore more difficult to move, latex mattresses are made of natural fibers, considered medium to firm and provide the most comfort and support for sex and sleep.
JoJo DeRodrigo – Metamorphic Embodiment
So, I ended up asking a bunch of my clients this question in a playful way, and I was startled to see how serious people were in their responses! First off, let me tell you that everyone has a preference for a bed, so as a couple going shopping for a mattress (especially if it is their first mattress) I would recommend communicating a bit before you even go into your local mattress retailer!
As partners, you should know your limits and really speak up for what you need in regards to your comfort and rest. Remember, you are spending a big portion of your 24 hours in that bed, you want it to be pleasant and soothing! Now that we’ve got that covered your bed is not only used for sleeping or doing crossword puzzles, a bed is for sex!
I strongly suggest that as a couple, you visit a place that sells mattresses. It not only allows you to actually physically come into contact with the bed, but you can ask a lot of questions in real time instead of reading reviews on an online retailer. You may be unsatisfied with the product because you did not actually experience it physically, beforehand.
So, let’s talk about SEX! Are you new in your relationship, still feeling buzzed from the honeymoon period and doing it like bunnies? Well, I suggest maybe looking for a firmer bed. Plenty of exploring and movement can happen with a firmer bed, such as long periods of time on your knees and lying on your back with your legs lifted. Firmer beds can help you stay sturdy in more rapid movements.
If you plan to invite more than one or more people into the mix you may want to think of a California king. For couples that are quiet or maybe a little older, you may want a softer bed.
If your lovemaking is missionary style and you just want to stare at each other, a softer bed could do the trick, the person on the bottom can feel comfort and softness on their back! If you are into more positional sex acts (oral sex, doggy style, etc), you may want to think about getting an adjustable mattress, these beds allow you to create positions that can assist in many playful ways without straining yourself!
Want to play with temperature? Maybe consider getting a sleep number bed, they can lower the temp on the mattress or heat it up. Maybe you want to get extra sweaty? Turn up the heat! Cool it down when you are just basking in the afterglow!
The most important thing to remember is to go visit a mattress shop as a couple and gather information (it is just like a first date!). Mattress salespeople have heard it all, it is completely fine to ask a salesperson what is a good bed for a roll in the sack!Explore, experiment and touch the mattress, don’t feel pressured by an employee to buy something right away or on sale.Click To Tweet
If you find the mattress you like, go back a day or two later and check it out again, it’s like going on a second date. Ask yourself, do I want to take this mattress home? And when you do, have fun!!
Leslie Grace – Ritual Tantra
As a Tantric Sex & Intimacy Coach, I spend a lot of time helping people get out of their head and into their body, freeing them from anything that might get in the way of their most satisfying lovemaking possible. Sometimes, the right bed makes a big difference!! I’ll focus on Size, Bounce, and Height.
You might ask, “Does SIZE matter??!” (wink) I recommend at least a Queen, preferably a King, but yes, bigger can be better so you and your partner are free to roll around, throw caution to the wind, and a bigger bed can always accommodate company.
I’d also consider the “thrust/bounce back” factor. I once had a memory foam bed that made sex very challenging because it absorbed all the thrusting! Not to mention I was sinking into it so deep, I wasn’t able to get the right angles.I recommend a firm coil mattress with a thin memory foam topper on top. That way, there's a firm, bouncy surface that lets you work with the motion.Click To Tweet
Also, ladies can place a pillow under their bottom in the missionary position to get a great angle for maximum G-spot pleasure.
Finally, you want to make sure the mattress and frame create the perfect height for standing at the side of the bed for thrusting, and that the legs of your bed have skid protectors so they won’t scratch your floors! Hope that gives you some food for thought, happy mattress hunting! 😉
Xanet Pailet – Power of Pleasure
A mattress can be your best friend or worst enemy when it comes to sex and intimacy.Click To Tweet
While a king size bed can provide you lots more space for play and the ability to move around more easily, it can also become more isolating because it’s easy to roll to your side of the bed and not touch each other.
I often recommend that couples try a Queen size bed so that there is less space between them and a stronger likelihood of reaching out and holding each other to create the intimacy we need for sex. Here’s a blog post I wrote about this.
The softness or firmness of the bed is definitely an individual choice but you should consider what feels luxurious and comfortable and choose a mattress that you want to fall into. I’m a huge fan of pillow tops because it increases the height of the whole bed adding to that feeling of luxury and sensuality.
A beautiful comforter and lots of pillows on the bed will also help make it more inviting. Pillows are one of your best tools for having better sex as they can support many different parts of your body making sex more fun and comfortable.
Have you ever noticed that during a really intense sexual romp, you somehow end up with your feet pillow-side up and your head almost dangling off the bottom edge of the bed?When it comes to the best mattress size to have sex on, bigger is definitely better! You want space to move, flip around, sprawl out, and not be afraid that you will fall off with a less-than-sexy thump on the wood floor.Click To Tweet
When it comes to the springiness vs memory vs gel, what’s best is a little spring with a bit of gel on top. The reason being that the spring can add some bounce, helping you to get more oomph out of each move. The gel creates a soft cushion that feels good against your body.
And while memory foam may be great to sleep, when it comes to sex it’s tendency to hold each indentation for a few moments can make quick position changes more of a struggle, plus there is generally little to no bounce- that’s the great thing about memory foam for sleeping!
But for sex, the lack of springiness almost feels like a suction, keeping you in place. That being said, for those of you who prefer a slow grind, memory foam could be your best bet, keeping you down and deep and you press and squeeze in just the right spot!
Isadora Alman – Ask Isadora
Two people who live and sleep together are going to spend FAR more time sleeping together than being sexual so finding a mattress that you will both find comfortable all night is of maximum importance. Then if you find your bed too soft for sexual play there is always your couch or your living room floor or some other harder surface.If you want a softer base for sex adding a foam pad, pillows, or a feather quilt onto your bed might do the trick.Click To Tweet
If you have a guest bed in your living space think of buying that mattress to fit your sexual specifics and keep that bed not only for guests but also for your own special occasions.
Megan Q – Sex Coach SF
While a great mattress isn’t going to take a bad sex life and make it good, a bad mattress can definitely take away from a good sex life.
Sexy mattresses (that is, those that are good for sex) should work with you, not against you! Important things to think about are height, size, support (firm or soft), and temperature. These factors may be dependent on the types of positions you use when having sex.
For example, if you or your partner prefer positions where you stand and lean over the bed (a variation of doggy-style), firm support along the edges of the mattress would be important and the total height of the mattress, box spring, and bed base should be compared to the height needed to support the person leaning over the bed.
If you prefer the missionary position, the partner laying down may want something that is softer and less bouncy. The woman-on-top position can be greatly helped by a very bouncy, springy mattress.In my experience, waterbeds can be the worst mattresses for sex.Click To Tweet
You might think that the movement and swaying of the water would work well with the motions of sex, but in reality, it seems that the water is often moving against the rhythm of your sexual encounter, you may find your knees displacing the water and rubbing on the uncomfortable hard base below, and it is very challenging to move from one position to another…well, unless you want to look super awkward and require assistance from your partner and possibly some nearby furniture!
Jon Pressick – Sex In Words
When couples are considering mattresses, they are usually after some very specific qualities. They’ll debate firmness and softness, size, thickness.
These are great things to think about when you’re hoping for a mattress to both rest on and get active on. Let’s take sleep out of our equation and focus on one small detail that few consider but can be integral to great, active sex: the seams.
Really? Yes! The seams around the edge of the bed can be very important when it comes to super fun sexy time, especially as you or your partner approach orgasm. Just imagine that sensation of getting close—so close!—and wanting nothing more than to stay in that exact position as your partner does that exact thing. But sheets can be slippery and the headboard or footboard might be just out of reach. This is when those thick seams at the edge of the mattress can come in very handy.
The seams can also be great at other times as well. They can be a great way to maintain balance if you’re enjoying some sexy fun near the edge of the bed. They can also be used to secure clamp on BDSM toys when the bed you’re in doesn’t have a headboard or footboard.Just remember, they may seem a minor detail, but mattress seams can make all the difference in great sex!Click To Tweet
Wyatt Fisher – Christian Crush
1. King size. It's helpful to have a larger mattress so couples can have more space to experiment during their sexual encounter.Click To Tweet
2. Comfortable. It’s important the mattress is comfortable to snuggle/talk on because that’s one of the best aphrodisiacs for great sex in a relationship.
3. In agreement-The next important piece about the mattress selection is the couple needs to be in enthusiastic agreement about it. Learning to share power on all decisions big and small that impact the relationship is vital for both to feel their voice matters, which leads to better sex.
It’s not the mattress that counts, but what holds it up!I would advise a sexually active couple to be sure to have a strong foundation under the mattress.Click To Tweet
My mattress just fell to the floor because the slats moved around. That said, my partner and I love it extra firm.
Kryss Shane – This Is Kryss
When it comes to sex, you have to first consider sleep. Buying a great sex mattress won't be useful if you're both too exhausted from lack of sleep to have the energy for coitus!Click To Tweet
Once you’ve narrowed your options down to what you can sleep on, consider the type of sex you want to have.
Many find memory foam mattresses tough since the mattress does not “bounce back” but rather a person “sinks in” which can prevent ease of motion and can make positions where one partner is on top tricky, since the partner on the bottom may feel enveloped by the mattress and be unable to thrust or bounce in any way.
Another consideration is what the mattress is placed on. Some prefer beds with a headboard that can be grabbed onto or a headboard with decorative bars for using handcuffs. Others prefer a bed frame that offers a canopy or the ability to add curtains in order to create a romantic ambiance.
Regardless of which mattress you choose, you may want to invest in waterproof mattress pads and/or sheets so that any fun time in bed doesn’t stain or otherwise damage the new mattress.
Reid Mihalko – Reid About Sex
Memory foam and waterbeds are a sex no-no.Great sex requires a surface that doesn’t absorb all of the pressure and thrusting movements or throws your thrusting back at you in the form of a rhythm-busting tidal wave.Click To Tweet
Memory foam and water beds can also be a bitch for folks with disabilities because they aren’t steady and firm, and can make moving around or holding certain positions more difficult.
Also, make sure you purchase a bed frame that places your sexy loved ones at juuuuust the right height for sex with one of you lying or on all fours on the bed while the other person stands or kneels next to the bed. Oh! And make sure the bed frame doesn’t cut into your shins for the person doing the standing. Ouch!
What is the perfect mattress for sex? One with a mattress cover!A mattress cover is essential to protect your mattress from sweat and other liquids that will spread through the sheets.Click To Tweet
I prefer a mattress cover that can be thrown right in the washing machine when needed.
The other thing I look for in a mattress and bed is one that doesn’t squeak! There is nothing worse than a squeaking bed when you’re having sex late in the night or early in the morning.
Everyone has different preferences when it comes to the type of mattress they prefer, but we can all agree that a quiet, dry, stain-proof mattress is desired by all!
Diana Urman – Diana Sex Therapy
There are a lot of factors that need to be accounted when choosing a perfect mattress for sex. Some of them include:
If the responsiveness is slow, having sex would feel as being amidst a quicksand. Having a sturdy surface would allow accommodating rapid movements and change positions.
Durability is very important to make sure a mattress lasts a long time.
Comfort is very important as it creates an environment conducive to wanting to engage in sexual activities.
Noisy mattress creates an environment where having sex discretionally isn’t easy.
Edge support is important because if a mattress doesn’t have edge support, there are parts of it, that is off limit. The last thing you want to do during sex is to be tense about the possibility of falling off your mattress. The more relaxed we are during sex, the more pleasure we can derive from it.Based on the criteria above, the best type of mattress for lovemaking is latex mattress as it doesn’t make much noise, very responsive, has edge support, is very bouncy.Click To Tweet
Bethany Ricciardi – TooTimid.com
When we think of sex we immediately think of the bedroom; when we think of the bedroom we move toward images of the bed. The bed is the epicenter of most couples’ lovemaking. Therefore, it stands to reason that what type of mattress the bed has would be extremely important for sex.
The funny thing is, when we shop for a new mattress, we rarely, if ever, think about how the mattress would actually be for sex. We lie on it and see if it is comfortable for sleeping. Is it too hard? Too soft? Will our backs have enough support? While all of these aspects are important, as we are going to sleep on it as well, how the mattress will work for sex is of equal importance. Not all mattresses will be good for sex, so it is instrumental that we think about this when shopping for a new mattress.
How does one shop for an appropriate mattress for sex? Well, you follow the same logic as when you shop for a bed for sleep. When we want to see how a mattress will perform while we are sleeping we lie down on it. We get on our sides, our backs or our stomachs. We have our partner get into the bed next to us and move around to see how the mattress reacts to more than one person being on it.We may spend hours going from mattress to mattress to find the one that has the perfect firmness or softness for our sleep needs.Click To Tweet
This is not always easy because as a couple it needs to be comfortable for both of you. Finally, you will settle on the mattress that feels the most comfortable and which you feel will give you the best night’s rest.
However, the best mattress for sleep may not even be close to the best mattress for sex. This is where you must incorporate a whole, new set of tests for mattress buying. Firstly, you absolutely must shop for a mattress together with your significant other because you will, literally, have to “assume the position” that you would for sex and see how the mattress performs. Yes, you may look slightly odd in the mattress store, but a mattress is a large purchase and it has to fit all your needs. So, get up on it with your partner and assume all the sexual positions that you like.
See if the mattress is too soft and if your knees will sink too far into the bed to properly make love. Bounce on it and see if you will have enough firmness to achieve the proper angle and movement to satisfy your sexual needs. If both of you are lying together, as in one on top of the other, will you sink too far into the mattress making sex nearly impossible? Or, does the bed hold up to the weight and therefore make sex not only possible but comfortable? If she gets on her hands and knees, and he gets behind her for doggy style, will either of your sink to low to make it possible? How to you find that out? You have to get up on the bed in the position! Yes, truly and no one who sells mattresses is going to find this a funny thing to do.
Furthermore, how high does the mattress sit on the frame? Will you be able to do those erotic “side of the bed” positions as well? Will she be able to bend over the side or get up on her hands and knees on the bed? Do you need a frame to go with your mattress? If so you need to also consider the strength and height of the frame. Will it roll around on the floor if you have some vigorous thrusting? Will this mattress sustain an active sex life? How will the mattress hold up to, ideally, 10-15 years of sexual activity? Mattresses have dual purposes – sleep and sex – so it is absolutely imperative that when shopping for a new mattress that you put it through the tests necessary to see if it will hold up to all your needs.
Caleb Backe – Maple Holistics
A good mattress can help you get into the right rhythm, physically speaking.If it has enough of a ‘give’ and a bounce, the mattress can be a significant improvement to many sexual positions. Don’t choose a mattress which is too firm, but don’t choose one which is too bouncy either.Click To Tweet
It is a subjective issue, of course, and you will also need to consider your normal sleeping positions.
Support and comfort should come before any other consideration, and whether it is memory foam, latex, or a hybrid, you should both be on board with the one you choose. It may take more time to decide, but it should be one which you are both comfortable with (and on).
Is noise reduction an issue? Some can’t have good sex if they know they can be overheard. Some have great sex precisely because they know that they can be overheard. It takes different strokes to move the world, after all.
Is the material durable and long-lasting? It’s worth investing in a mattress that will be able to take a lickin’ and keep on tickin’. You don’t want to have to replace it in two or three years. You want a mattress that will be able to withstand pressure and force.
Size matters, so go big if you can afford it and if you have space. A larger mattress will give you more options for spontaneous movement, without having to possibly break the mood. The ability to throw your partner on the mattress and continuing ravaging them – without having to stop and consider if they are about to fall off – is well worth it.
Then again, we don’t all have the space to spare, which is why you should remember the cardinal rule of sex and mattress-choosing: it’s not the size that counts, but how you use it.
Jonathan Bird – Warehouse Dating
Go and have fun when shopping for a mattress.Click To Tweet
Get jumping on those mattresses’ and laugh together – if you take it home you’ll be spending almost as much time with the mattress as you do each other!
Celeste Hirschman – Somatica Institute
It is important that the mattress is relatively firm, especially if either of you likes to be on your knees during sex. If the mattress is too soft, you will sink in and it will be difficult to get a good rhythm going.When it comes to the mattress, size matters, but you need to know the size that fits with your erotic personality.Click To Tweet
Sometimes, you need a warm body pressed up against you to remind you how good it feels, in which case, a queen might be better.
Or, if you are someone who needs a little bit of space and distance to get excited, then it’s a king for you. Kings are also good for the occasional threesome.
Ashley Mader – Shine
When shopping for a mattress, as a couple, it is really important that both individuals find the mattress comfortable. Because better rest leads to a better sex life! Each person should know what they want in a mattress and communicate their needs to each other.
An uncomfortable mattress for one person may lead to back and joint issues and those types of physical ailments can affect one’s sex life.There are certain mattress qualities that may lead to better sex, such as the bounce and firmness of the mattress. It is important for the mattress to be supportive of joints and provide pressure relief.Click To Tweet
Another thing to consider is the cooling aspect of the mattress and knowing whether you and your partner sleep hot or cold. Having a more cooling mattress may create more intimacy if one of you is a hot sleeper.
Lastly, durability and noise of the mattress. If you’re investing in a mattress, you want to make sure that it is durable for both sleep and sex in the years to come. Some mattresses are very noisy and for privacy reasons, you may want something that is a little quieter.
Make sure you have a comfortable mattress so you can actually sleep afterward.Click To Tweet
Sleep is really important for your mental health and wellbeing.
Consider a headboard – great for holding on to in a variety of positions.
Lesley Edwards – Mars Venus Coaching
Have Your Inner Goddess Choose!
Whether you are buying a bed, a book or a bungalow, let your inner goddess lead. And I’m not just talking about the 50 Shades kind of inner goddess,😉 although great sex on the right mattress is important too!
I mean choosing the mattress that evokes the loudest “Yes” from deep within. We already know that women drive upwards of 80% of purchasing decisions, through both purchasing power and their influence, according to Forbes. Happy wife, happy life and all that, is not just good advice, it is proven relationship gold.
So how do we make a choice from our feminine core?
The most effective way for the masculine to operate is to be in Action, the masculine takes Action and feels good “yes, I did it!”. When there is the commitment to the action it is even more powerful, because it has him take action & take care of things no matter how he feels. Powerful!
For the feminine, on the other hand, our action/feeling paradigm is the exact opposite, how we feel is vital to taking action. We naturally take Action from what feels good. When the feminine is forced take action counter to how she feels, it can be damaging because it can actually work to sever her relationship with her own intuition, one of our greatest superpowers.Therefore when you are choosing something as important to your relationship, overall health & sleep as a mattress, it is vital that you try it out, choose which feels the best to you, and feels like great value.Click To Tweet
Which can be why a penalty-free return period is so attractive to the feminine. If it doesn’t feel right at home, you can exchange it for another mattress.
Sara Plummer – Get Healthy Sexy Happy
The best mattress for sex is the one you get the best sleep on! Mattresses are for sleep & sex so if you don’t enjoy sleeping on it, you’re not going to want to be in it.Click To Tweet
Poor sleep adds to weight gain and puts the body in a state of stress which steals B vitamins.
Those same B vitamins help create sexy time hormone testosterone, feel calm progesterone, & look youthful (women) estrogen. Low testosterone and high stress both steal our sex drive.
Sebastian Harris – Global Seducer
As a dating coach, I know how devastating it is to choose the wrong mattress. Just imagine you meet someone special. The green lights are on. Sexual tension is in the air. You’re ready for a night full of pleasure. Then it happens. You sink into your bed. Damn! The mattress you bought is way too soft. You don’t care. You want this night to be special.
Suddenly, you realize that the person you wanted to throw on your bed landed next to your bed because it’s just too small. The night of passion turns into a night in the accident and emergency department.
This could have all been avoided if you had chosen the right mattress.
What’s the worst mattress for sex? Well, imagine you are on top of someone and suddenly you sink deeper and deeper, and…you get the point. On the other hand, your mattress shouldn’t be hard as stone. You don’t want to break your leg during your next dating adventure.I had the best sex of my life on a medium firm mattress with memory foam.Click To Tweet
This sneaky little mattress adjusted to my body heat…which can be very useful when you’re exhausting yourself…if you know what I mean.
Oh, and make sure that the mattress is big enough to accompany you and your partner. I mean, you don’t want to have sex on a bed that’s smaller than the mattress in your college dorm room. King size is king.
Danielle Harel – Celeste & Danielle
There is a fairy tale in our culture that when you find your person they will be compatible with you in every way. The truth is that people are very unique and each has their own needs and desires. Just like two people in a couple might have very different fantasies about what kind of sex they want, they may have very different mattress needs as well.
Instead of fighting about it, consider a customizable mattress, one that can have different positions or different firmness on each side – remember, I’m talking about a mattress here, though you may like different positions as well ;).Instead of wishing your partner was just like you, find a way to make room for all of that uniqueness and find a mattress that celebrates it!Click To Tweet
Bonny Albo – Get Dating Help
Great sex? The perfect mattress helps, but, it's more about the connection than what you're lying on. Click To Tweet
Still, anything that takes away from your intimacy or being in-the-moment detracts from a great experience with your partner.
So, nix the noisy covers, squeaky bedsprings, or headboards that don’t quite fit… unless those types of sounds get your motors going!
Martha Tara Lee – Eros Coaching
You don’t want squeaky noises or a flabby feeling to interfere in your lovemaking session. You might want to choose a mattress that would make sex more enjoyable by providing the right support and comfort. Contrary to belief, a mattress needs to perform well throughout its use not just when you are making love.
Support is the first criteria that you must take care of.Memory foam mattresses are the most comfortable mattresses available today. They provide optimum support and firmness against all the actions under the sheets.Click To Tweet
Most couples prefer this type of mattress as it offers noise reduction. You can try different sex positions on them as they are firm.
If you prefer bouncy effect, choose an innerspring mattress. It also makes it easier to change your position.
If you prefer a lot of action on the bed, go for a hybrid mattress. It has a cooling effect on the body and hence ideal for having sex.
Durability and comfort are two other criteria that you have to think about. Memory foam mattresses score higher in this regard as they are comfortable and durable too.
When buying a mattress, check the brand. Don’t go for a mattress based on its price. In the long run, hygiene, durability, and ergonomics would matter and hence you should invest in a mattress from a good brand that offers a warranty on its products.
Carmel Jones – The Big Fling
Aside from the obvious considerations of durability, price, comfortability, and size (no pun intended), the most important question to answer when searching for the best mattress for sex is how much energy you want the mattress to absorb.
For instance, memory foam mattresses absorb a lot of energy, so the bed will be relatively stiff during sex. Conversely, latex mattresses are bouncy. They move with you.Similarly, innerspring mattresses are bouncy and facilitate changing positions mid-sex. But they can be noisy.Click To Tweet
Each type of mattress has pros and cons, but the leading question when sex is the top consideration should be how much energy you want it to absorb.
Eliza Boquin – The Relationship & Sexual Wellness Healing Center
First of all, have fun shopping together! You can use the time to start flirting and building anticipation about all the fun you’ll have once you get the mattress home.
King size mattresses are great for the couple that wants a lot of room to play.Queen size & full-size mattresses are excellent for keeping couples in close proximity—perfect for cuddling & spooning.Click To Tweet
The key is to find a mattress that you both love – one that you’ll look forward to getting into every night and staying in longer every morning.
Thank you so much to all the sex therapists that contributed to this expert roundup! Hope you enjoyed reading this post. Now you know how to find the best mattress for sex that will make intimacy more fun and comfortable.
Let me know your favorite idea in the comments below and please share this article on social media!
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