THE TIME TRAVELING MATTRESS
Wait…you made a time machine…out of a mattress? Yes. Yes we did. Got your camcorder? Good. Keep filming and I’ll tell you more below!
Wait…you made a time machine…out of a mattress?
Yes. Yes we did. Jonathan aka JP, the CEO, is a Back to the Future nerd.
Do we defeat Coronavirus in the future?
Excellent question! Next question? #wearamask #socialdistance #buymattressesfromus
Q: Why a mattress? What happened to the Delorean?
It was destroyed by the train in the last movie, remember!? Plus, making one out of a mattress is more ‘on brand’ for a custom mattress company.
Q: Do you have any videos where we can see the mattress time machine in action?
We do! A local news crew did a story on the mattress at our headquarters. Watch the video below!
Q: How do I time travel using the mattress?
Well you’ve got two options:
Install the mattress in an RV, Semi Truck, Pick Up Truck, Van Conversion, or Bus. Note: This will NOT fit in a Delorean! Attempting to do so will destroy the gull wing doors. Set the time circuits for desired date & feed Mr. Fusion (ex: banana peels, a can of soda, or dust mites will do). No 1.21 Gigawatts of electricity needed. 2015 has, after all, already passed. Begin driving your vehicle. Once you hit 88 MPH, you’ll see some serious $h!T (figuratively).
You must be fully lying down on the mattress at the moment you hit 88 MPH. So maybe get on a freeway, and put a brick on the accelerator. Run really quickly over to the mattress and lie down on it (use included seatbelts). Now you’ve got to think, McFly! So do this at night time, on a remote stretch of highway, where no one else can possibly be on the road. Once you reach your desired past/future date, run really quickly back to the driver’s seat and put the brakes on (before you hit something/someone). After all, we learned with Jailbird Joey that it may be difficult to make bail (if you’re arrested for speeding). Note: MattressInsider.com is not responsible for any accidents or deaths you cause by doing this. You will be emailed a waiver after you place your order, before your time travel mattress ships. Also…. hitting/killing things in the past can affect the future! So be careful!
This option is much easier and safer as no vehicle is required. Set the time circuits, feed Mr. Fusion, check the flux capacitor to be sure the circuits are fully operational, and then begin jumping on the mattress. Once you hit 88 bounces per minute, you will see the same serious $h!T mentioned above. Suggestion: It’s much easier to hit the 88 bounces per minute with a sleeping partner. Note: Please don’t mention how you and your partner achieved this when you submit a product review.
How do I install it?
While it’s not required, we strongly suggest the help of a mad scientist or someone with a PHD in Physics to set this up for you. Try hitting up some professors at your local university. Tip: Look for someone with a wide-eyed smile and fluffy white hair.
Can I sleep on the mattress?
While you can sleep on it, we strongly discourage it. Some customers have stated that they’ve experienced seriously negative health consequences when using it as their primary bed. It may have something to do with Mr. Fusion’s nuclear capabilities… we’re not really certain. But maybe check out some other mattresses if you’re looking for a new bed.
How many of these do you have in stock?
Actually, we only made one. Once it’s sold, we don’t plan on making more. So act fast!
Update: This product was stolen from our factory. We suspect the person who left the only product review on this page might be responsible. Please check back in ‘the future’ to see if we decide to make any more mattress time machines.